ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
