I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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