I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
