I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
