Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
