you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
