Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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