Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
