You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
