You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
