dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to sanitize my soul.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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