It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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