Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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