I just pynch a tree in the face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
