How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
