Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
