dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
