I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
