i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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