took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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