I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
