I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
