Your face is a jimmy john
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
