So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
