I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
