if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
