i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
