why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
