party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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