and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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