I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
