Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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