We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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