I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
