a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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