I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
