The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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