how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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