ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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