I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
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