On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
