It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
