I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
