nut hugger
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
