Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
