I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
