i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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