YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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