The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
