Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
