i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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