I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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