Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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