I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
