when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
