last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
